No, seriously, you probably shouldn't read this.

Seriously, giving up is what they want you to do. Since when do you take orders from the sycophants? Did you stop masturbating to your cousin just because your parents told you it was unnatural? NO! Did you stop driving drunk after the second DUI? Hell No! Did you let that restraining order keep you from peering into the windows of your ex-girlfriend? Of Course Not! Did the lock on her door keep you out? Fuck No! Um... I forget where I was going with this... Oh, yeah, don't give up!

It's that time again, campers. Have you planned your romantic evening already or are you, like thousands of others, unsure of how to set the right mood? Well, if you fall into the latter category, I have compiled some valuable tips for you to ensure that you make this VD memorable for you and your date. Music This is the #1 mood setter; don't skimp on this area! Choose something heartfelt and sexy to let her know you've had your eye on her and think she's the one. Don't go with the normal cliché; she'll respond to more original approaches and won't be seduced by something that worked on your mom. Here's a few suggestions to consider: Heartbeat by Don Johnson Sex Farm by Spinal Tap Stay with Me by Faces Tyler by Toadies Rape M e by Nirvana Fuck the Pain Away by Peaches Feva for the Flava by Hot Action Cop These selections show that you're a sensitive-to-her-needs kinda guy. Gifts If you go the gifts route, make sure y...

So, I can have a kid if I get knocked up under any circumstances. If I try to adopt, I'll be screened with a background check and also I have to be 20 years older than the child, but younger than 40; neither underweight or overweight; can't smoke or abuse drugs; and have a certain financial status. If I don't ever want a child, I can abort, but I can not get scooped out preventatively until I meet the age requirement or have already had a child that I do/did not want. Did I get this right?