No, seriously, you probably shouldn't read this.

Real massage (Uniotown area) compensation:  40 an hour cash Lookin 4 lady 2 give real massage nothing weird pat 40 an hour have back and leg prob don't have 2 b professional as long as ur good at it need deep tissue do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers Gospel singers wanted (Clarksburg) compensation:  no pay Starting a gospel group. Talent wanted. No pay to offer but the retirement plan is Heaven. do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers Dance 3 Songs Naked-$100 compensation:  $100 Just what the ad says. Would like to see some nudity and don't want to go out to a club. Will pay $100 if an attractive female would show up and perform a 3 song nude strip-show. If you're interested please send me a pic (clothes on) and when you're free. This is a serious ad and im looking for nothing more than the ad states. So please do not respond just to ask questions and only if you're serious. do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or ...

A Horror Story Gather around, children, I want to tell you about the time I saw a hooker at Kegler's. It was after a WVU game and I'd finished having dinner with the fiancé's family at Los.  I remember it well, because Eric had just told me that there were people that wanted to meet me (and that is a pretty rare occasion, so I figured I'd go and see how things played out before I shat on someone's expectations) and we headed over to Kegler's Sports Bar and Lounge . Now, Kegler's isn't a high class place, so I had no trouble getting in, but the place was packed post-game with already drunk people looking to get drunker and the staff was not having us crash a table when other people were waiting, so we had to take turns sitting in chairs in shifts so I could meet Eric's long-time friends, Jacob and Andy. Usually it takes me three beers to slip into my charming mode, so I worked on that while anxiously noting how awkwardly quiet the table was and...