A Personal Rant. Lincoln's Birthday If you take a look at your calendar, and I'm sure you do because that little voice says, "Fuck my eyes, that stupid, goddamn Valentine's Day is in two mother-fucking weeks." Well, before you freak out about missing that opportunity to take a whore to Applebee's, let's take a gander at the 12th, which is Abraham Mother-fucking Lincoln's observed birthmus. This is as good as it gets, bitches. That's right, we still celebrate the first Republican Party President's observed birthday. We celebrate Washington's, but that makes more sense. First off, because he wasn't a republican, but secondly, because he was the first president. This isn't even Lincoln's actual birthday, what makes Lincoln so special? "Lincoln Freed the Slaves!" you say. O.K., sure, I'll give you that, but read this quote: “I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in anyway...