White Woman's Burden

Self-employed to avoid seeing my credit destroyed
But my transmission needs a technician to put her into remission
So the decision is given on the condition the acquisition of taxes
be evacuated and my W9 allocation eradicated
Unplanned but three grand quickly turns into cash-in-hand
And I had just brand a piece of land, you understand?
Now shit's getting tighter than your sisters before rough riders
No pedicures, no obscure liqueur, no couture, register your check with your creditor
I assure, the allure in the brochure for breadwinner is non-sequitur

Wear and tear got zephyr in my underwear
IRS don't care
Gotta snare coupons just to cut my hair
IRS don't care
Price compare to save on bus fare
IRS don't care

Well now I'm moved but my mood's not improved as my ego is bruised
Get a post office paper makes me a most nauseous neighbor
911 mapping got me done spun and gasping, undone my signed wrapping
of address changing madness ranging from AmEx and 401K to IRS and Lincoln National Corporation
New driver's license in the box now is this rider's crisis walks in how priceless these cocks been
Exam time off requested bye bye to vacation vested damn jerk-offs got my patience tested
DMV lines are packed with mouth-breathing jaws slacked and chimes say the wait times capped
Sorry, bro, you need utilities to show you pay the bills at that address though
What? The utilities can't find the old one, even thought my facilities might be stolen
Well while you remedy that, clear the isle, no clemency here, scat

Address is broken insurin' my accounts are frozen
Post Office don't care
Back taxes are defaulting and my groceries are halting
Post Office don't care
New ID I just got was all for naught
Post Office don't care

Gingers vs. Albinos

Let's run a little comparison between the two scariest types of humanoids, shall we? " Albinism is associated with a number of vision defects, such as photophobia, nystagmus and astigmatism. Lack of skin pigmentation makes the organism more susceptible to sunburn and skin cancers." (Wikipedia) "A human, characterized by pale skin, freckles and bright red hair. " Gingers " are generally considered to be inferior to their more melanin-rich brethren, and thus deservingly discriminated against. Gingers are thought to have no souls. The condition, " gingervitis " is genetic and incurable." (Urban Dictionary) Fact #1: Albinism is found outside the human species. In fact, albino animals are worth more to collectors; they are considered " rare " and " valuable ". Gingervitis is not found outside the human species. They are neither rare, nor valuable. Fact #2: "At least 53 albinos have been killed since 2007 in...

Day 3

1:30am It's day three of losing internet connection...I've gotten so desperate for WiFi that I find myself waking up in the middle of the night laying in the college library parking lot clutching my iPad. Three days! It's so cold...so cold. I collect shoes, couch cushions, whatever trash I can find to keep a fire going. It won't be long until we all turn on each other out here. I've sharpened an old toothbrush I found into a shank. I must protect my WiFi at all costs. 2:00am I found a couple unbroken beer bottles not far away. I'll have to use them to store my urine if I'm going to have anything to drink. Already the natives have been circling me, testing my reflexes and perimeter boundaries. I stabbed one in the face but he got away and now I'll have to fashion a new weapon. I'm running low on supplies though. Even as I type this I'm eye-scanning the area and I see a hubcap, a rubber trash can, some broken glass, and what looks like a Wendy...

That Time I Saw a Hooker at a Sports Bar

A Horror Story Gather around, children, I want to tell you about the time I saw a hooker at Kegler's. It was after a WVU game and I'd finished having dinner with the fiancé's family at Los. I remember it well, because Eric had just told me that there were people that wanted to meet me (and that is a pretty rare occasion, so I figured I'd go and see how things played out before I shat on someone's expectations) and we headed over to Kegler's Sports Bar and Lounge . Now, Kegler's isn't a high class place, so I had no trouble getting in, but the place was packed post-game with already drunk people looking to get drunker and the staff was not having us crash a table when other people were waiting, so we had to take turns sitting in chairs in shifts so I could meet Eric's long-time friends, Jacob and Andy. Usually it takes me three beers to slip into my charming mode, so I worked on that while anxiously noting how awkwardly quiet the table was and...

No, seriously, you probably shouldn't read this.

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